Dear 2012:
I want you to be a better year. 2011 was a year of “learning” mentally and “changing” physically. I want to continue to do both of these through 2012, but I would also like to feel that happiness that I have always dreamed of. I don’t know if I believe in that one “right person for you” theory, but I do believe that there is someone out there who I can truly be happy with. I also believe that I need to be happy with myself and my world around me before I can let others make me happy. But, the question I have is how do I know when I’m truly happy with myself? I don’t know when that will be. I have accomplished something in the past year that I never ever thought I would be able to do. I always wanted to lose weight, but I always said it would be too hard…but this year I did it….I lost 47 pounds. So why am I not happy yet? That’s my question…how long will it take me to be happy on the inside too? It took me a year to physically become healthier, will it take another year for me to mentally become happy and healthy? If that is what it takes, then I will do it. I only have 1 life and I want to live it the best I can. I don’t want to miss out on any moment and I want to be able to take it all in with a smile on my face. My life doesn’t depend on who is paying attention to me or what kind of man I have in my life, it depends on my happiness with my amazing family and friends that I have had in my life, the ones who will always be here and won’t walk away, the ones who love me for who I am no matter how many mistakes I make. This past year I spent a lot of time worrying about men and what I could do to make them feel the same way I did. I wasted a lot of time being sad, nervous, and worrying about what could possibly happen next. I regret this because I think I may have missed out on a great year if I only would have taken the time to stop and realize that my life is good and I’m blessed. I have a wonderful family that cares for me more than I know. I have amazing friends who will always be there for me no matter how much I mess up. That’s all that matters to me right now…I don’t need more than that to get through life. I have to stop trying to control what happens next in my life, that is up to God. He has a plan for me and my life and I need to remember that. He is in control and all I can do this year is sit back and enjoy life and all the blessings that I’m surrounded with.
Something I want to remember in 2012:
Life is what we make of it. I don’t want to by unhappy so I’m going to stop acting that way and realize that I have an amazing life ahead of me and I need to just sit back and enjoy the ride J
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